MLK Day

"I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live."

Martin Luther King Jr., Speech in Detroit, June 23, 1963

Some things I think about

This last year I have been feeding a fascination with [Eastern] Orthodox theology, especially as it colors my own understanding my simple protestant history. I play around with the idea of getting some formal theological training and part of me aches to get something like the training provided by saaot.edu and use that to enrich (or afflict) more traditional seminary type training.

Some of the fun things I've learned along the way: "Mother of God" or "Mother of Christ" was a huge issue. Does Jesus have two inseparable natures: one divine and one human; or does He have a single nature both human and divine? This cause the first schism in the church.

Other things I've been reading about that is somewhat foreign to my simple mind:

• Holy Tradition and Holy Scripture (the big Catholic / non-Catholic line)
• Mary ... (the "Immaculate Conception", and the nuace between "Mother of God" and "Mother of Christ")
• Pictures (iconography), Relics, and Saintly Prayers
• What the Orthodox Church finds important and what it does not ... interesting stuff
  

Some of these things I find to be somewhat strange to my Roman/Protestant perspective and some of them I find very interesting. It is providing me understanding to more of how some of the (what I find "weird") dogmas of the Roman or Orthodox church with color and gives me more grace because I understand more of the fundamental things that hold us all together -- Christ.

One of the most interesting things I found out was how the simple theology we've learned at the Vineyard is so very orthodox in nature. It really is nice to find such an ancient church that thinks relatively the same about God so many years ago. Maybe it's because I'm more mystical in nature ... I don't think I'll quite get the ascetism, iconic veneration, and mariology of the Orthodox church but I really do appreciate it's history.

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I do not usually write about other web-logs but I did find an article for which I will make an exception. Get Religion follows news stories in the major media outlets and uncovers the hidden "religion story" in them. It's an interesting read; as it is a conservative Christian perspective but said through the media, and by voices which range from a few varieties of backgrounds.

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I love coffee roasting, creating really. I also love my "yeasty babies" -- viz., my beer making enterprise. I love to watch them grow, have babies, and then go to sleep again. Ooh, man, the flavors. I'm in the middle my batch of Kona Espresso Stout ... ah, the perfect marriage of tasty and delicious.

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/s/ B. /
Ιησους Χριστος Νικα

Rapid Transit

I felt a surge of relief when the large, mohawk touting, transvestite sat down by me. The stranger sat down, listening to his/her music and quickly entered into that doze that people find on buses, trains, and subways. In this moment I understood a little bit more of God’s protection for me and felt something new in me, a relaxed air, around my he-she companion that would normally leave me a bit unsettled.

Some stops previous, a man entered our BART rail car holding a manilla envelope. He stood for a few moments with his head in an upwards gesture and with a wry expression on his face. His demeanor and look - especially in the few seconds he gave looking upwards at nothing - gave me the impression that he might be unstable, this was true. Not too long afterwards he dropped his envelope and sat down in the upper part of our car nearly alone. Then he began talking. It was the normal crazy stuff you might hear: a mix of information about people he’s seen, an old girlfriend, various descriptions of his own self and justifications of behavior, and a mix of reality and memory and make-belive interwoven in his stream of words. But he kept looking at me; usually as his monologue turned into tirade and became a touch aggressive. That made me nervous.

So I sat there, the person closest on our side of the rail car closest to him. It seemed that as soon as the remaining people on his half had emptied that he let his craziness unloose, maybe his captive audience made him feel a little more at ease (I wonder). I sat there with a mix of fear, and sorrow for the guys sad state. I wanted to reach down and give him his manilla envelope but my common-sense reminded me of the last time I tried to dialog with someone showing disassociation traits.

Some years ago I talked to a man who was talking to me about my dogs and then about his time running the Iditerod (or was that Klondike) races with a mush team. Then I asked questions, trying to make polite conversation ... oops. My asking questions about my naive understanding of the racing forced this stranger to confront his fantasy and the result was his agitation with me and the situation. I realized a little too late what my faux pas had been.

Keeping the aforementioned memory in mind I reminding myself of the wisdom of not looking into the eyes of the irate crazy man on that train. However, I could tell he was periodically looking at me and leveling various dialog at me. In response, I ventured a glance and see him staring at me, eye-to-eye. Giving myself relief I stared somewhere else, avoiding the awkwardness of the situation, still feeling that mixture of sadness for the guy, empathy, and fear. The scenario happened over and over again; sometimes him looking at me and at other times me finding him talking to the window in the car.

The situation climaxed when he decided that we would benefit from his impersonation of an announcer voice. (He had just heard something spoken over the train-car’s speaker system.) He stood up and approach the mid-center of our car and then did a short sports-announcer type of description of himself. Then, with a little more intimidation in his voice, he described our situation: a scary guy on the car that could do something dangerous with some frightened people on the car watching and wondering what to do. Then he described himself doing something .. or not. At this point he flung himself into the side door of the train, as we speeded in a sub-way tunnel, quite hard.

I realized that I was giving into fear and I noticed myself going into a defensive body posture, crossing my legs and arms. I just did not know what do with a situation like this. I spent most of the previous moments with silent prayers for the man but had little else to do. Then, at this moment, I realized that my physical actions should be in concert with God’s heart of the person. I uncrossed my arms and legs and purposefully took a more relaxed posture.

His point made, he sat back down. (The train door was wrecked by his actions since it would not close the next time it was opened.) He wasn’t calm though, I think he was on an up-and-down cycle which could have gotten worse. However, at this time our shuttle entered into the heart of the city and a bunch of people boarded the BART train. This is when my transvestite friend entered and sat down with me. The crazy person’s face screwed up and he threw open a door and left the train at that stop. I remembered him rambling about a woman-man (or vice-versa) earlier in an earlier rant. The person who sat next me was very large, strong, and something that the other could not stand.

The experience for me was a mixture of emotions. Fear, defensiveness, a loss of what I could do, wonder, sadness at his state, a desire to help, and a myriad of other feelings. The night proved how strange such little things like traveling to a baseball game can be. I have been giving a lot of thought to what it means to be “light” and this seemed like a reaction, a "did not comprehend the light” response. There was a spiritual element to be sure in the whole thing and the timing of that bi-gendered person getting on the train was amazing and so fitting a cure for the crazy person’s own state.

Well, that’s enough for now, just wanted to capture some of this while it’s fresh in my memory.

It's all in the name ...

Who, but the government, would come up with such a gem as the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report? I noticed this referenced while reading a news item. The site is actually somewhat fascinating - hemorrhagic fever anyone? The article about colorado "tick paralysis" interested me.

Golly, sometimes being alive seems enough to kill you (yuka yuka yuka).

Dream Big

Some months ago I had a series of dreams. The dreams were somewhat interesting in that they were very vivid, symbolic, and speaking of something going on inside me. These dreams, I think are wisely treated like emotions - a necessary compass in life to guide and protect me. Sometimes they are better at posing why? and other questions and answering anything. I believe that God speaks through the myriad encounters of daily life: dreams, untimely wit, during prayer, through counsel of (hopefully) wise friends, and the greatest of all the word of Christ himself. My friend HCWB reminded me of the dream I had some time ago about a carrier and waiting for wisdom near the dawn of summer. What a great reminder, for now is certainly a time to search ever closer to God’s grace and drink of His wisdom concerning life.

I am near making some very important decisions, may God provide wisdom and grace! But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. Oh, God, please do, save me from my perceived strength and real weakness in my own understanding.

Lately, God has been challenging me to dream in a different way: the dreams of the heart, placed there by God.

Children are knitted in a mother’s womb by the hand of God. Who is to say when a few knots finally become a finished sweater: when it lacks a sleeve or when the collar is finished? This is too much for me. God has been showing me the futility of trying to understand what is good or bad, but instead simply search for what is holy, what is pure in His delight and will. (Note that I say search for what is holy, I dare not even try to differentiate the profane and carnal - my focus ought be on Him alone). Someday I hope to loose understanding of “Good” and “Bad” in my practical walk with God; to move simply as I see him move. To see evil, as he sees evil: the adversary of His purposes.

Oh - why the side-discourse on children? Hm. I think I am equating the knitting of a child in a mother’s womb to the growing of purpose and excitement that I feel as I search after God’s will. Here though the dream is more than a compass - it is alive and growing. In Christ I am compelled to live out a purpose in Him. Over the last few weeks I have wondered about what I should do in God and I keep hearing, “dream big” and “don’t be afraid”, when I begin to back off in doubt over all this (seems like so many improbable things need to come together). Then I take courage and in faith “dream big” for what could do through me and my family.

Tonight I flipped open my Bible and happened upon this passage, which gives me hope.

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The Message writes

Be generous: Invest in acts of charity. Charity yields high returns.

Don't hoard your goods; spread them around.
Be a blessing to others. This could be your last night.

When the clouds are full of water, it rains.
When the wind blows down a tree, it lies where it falls.
Don't sit there watching the wind. Do your own work.
Don't stare at the clouds. Get on with your life.

Just as you'll never understand
the mystery of life forming in a pregnant woman,
So you'll never understand
the mystery at work in all that God does.

Go to work in the morning
and stick to it until evening without watching the clock.
You never know from moment to moment
how your work will turn out in the end.

Oh, how sweet the light of day,
And how wonderful to live in the sunshine!
Even if you live a long time, don't take a single day for granted.
Take delight in each light-filled hour,
Remembering that there will also be many dark days
And that most of what comes your way is smoke.

You who are young, make the most of your youth.
Relish your youthful vigor.
Follow the impulses of your heart.
If something looks good to you, pursue it.
But know also that not just anything goes;
You have to answer to God for every last bit of it.

Live footloose and fancy-free—
You won't be young forever.
Youth lasts about as long as smoke.

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The NET Bible Translates

Send your grain overseas, for after many days you will get a return.

Divide your merchandise among seven or even eight investments, for you do not know what calamity may happen on earth.

If the clouds are full of rain, they will empty themselves on the earth, and whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, the tree will lie wherever it falls. He who watches the wind will not sow,and he who observes the clouds will not reap.

Just as you do not know the path of the wind, or how the bones form in the womb of a pregnant woman, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.

Sow your seed in the morning,and do not stop working until the evening; for you do not know which activity will succeed -- whether this one or that one, or whether both will prosper equally.

Life Should Be Savored Because Death is Imminent

Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for a person to see the sun.
So, if a man lives many years, let him rejoice in them all,but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many -- all that is about to come is obscure.

Enjoy Life to the Fullest under the Fear of God

Rejoice, young man, while you are young, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Follow the impulses of your heart and the desires of your eyes, but know that God will judge your motives and actions.

Banish emotional stress from your mind. and put away pain from your body; for youth and the prime of life are fleeting.

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By: J. Hampton Keathley, III , Th.M. writes this in this examination of Ecclesiastes

Ecclesiastes 11:4-6 He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap. 5 Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things. 6 Sow your seed in the morning, and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good.

Contrary to how man typically thinks, these verses and the conditions they describe are designed to promote bountiful sowing, not the opposite which is stinginess. These verses warn about the dangers of being overly cautious which hinders generous sowing.

The uncertainties of life are one of the things that keep most people from giving and ministering to others when they have the opportunity. They are afraid their giving will be their lack. Who knows what the future holds. If I give, I might not be able to meet the needs of my family. But these verses are given in a context that calls for casting our bread upon the waters, for generous giving knowing that our gifts will return to us later.

The point here is don’t try to second guess the sovereignty of God. Just trust the Lord. We can’t wait for conditions to be perfect. Nor can we wait for things to be free of all risks—absolutely free, absolutely safe. Instead of protecting ourselves, we have to take what appears to us as risks and live by faith.

Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 Cast your bread on the surface of the waters, for you will find it after many days. 2 Divide your portion to seven, or even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth. 3 If the clouds are full, they pour out rain upon the earth; and whether a tree falls toward the south or toward the north, wherever the tree falls, there it lies. 4 He who watches the wind will not sow and he who looks at the clouds will not reap. 5 Just as you do not know the path of the wind and how bones are formed in the womb of the pregnant woman, so you do not know the activity of God who makes all things. 6 Sow your seed in the morning, and do not be idle in the evening, for you do not know whether morning or evening sowing will succeed, or whether both of them alike will be good.

/s/ B. /

Alone

Written a few nights ago after our return trip from Oregon.


Tonight I sit alone
Dusk is approaching
There is the huffing of my dogs lying on the hardwood floors
My heart is feeling heavy, and I don’t know why

Hopelessness it might be, or fear of the unknown
I’ve followed dreams blind
Turned to visions based on my belief that circumstances confirmed by desire
But it was only desire
And heartache followed
I realized the foolishness of my path
When my heart would hear only what it wanted

Today I am again faced with a new possibility
And visions
But I am reminded
Of the time
When I was foolish
and trusted the visions
the dreams
instead of the dreamer.

Will I be foolish again?
Hope.


/s/ B. /

cob-o-lob-o-dob-o

I love my friend, COB. I learn a lot from him - a whole lot. He is wise and kind hearted and humble. I think one of the attributes I most enjoy in him is how completely different he is from me on some things and how the same we are on others. W are both relatively bad basketball players - but I lean to the competitive nut-case and COB leans a bit shy. I experience feelings of beauty and peace in the park when I smell the roses in the air. I am compelled almost to stop and enjoy the moment. Yet COB can reach out and feel such deep empathy and compassion that amazes me and softens my heart when I see it.

COB is confrontational by nature and I am rarely so. (I usually have to put on my work face on in order to get that way). At home I usually like to worry about each day as it comes. COB is a clean nut and I tend messy. We both love beer.

COB sides with my wife in the statement “real men cry” - I dream about things exploding. Or at least of spies and stuff. Or maybe flying or saving the world. I digress.

And we both like computers though I am more embarrassed by the geekiness of it all. We are both seasoned engineers, though good COB has traded in his military nuclear training for nursing.
I am the professional programmer - why me!!

I celebrate our differences especially as I pick up things from our friendship. Like the crying. I love our contrasts and the life in them. I like that I can sit back and have peace in the turmoil of an emotional assault and I love that COB encourages me to press into the fray and feel the urgency of the emotions and not ignore such things. COB loves to blog and process emotions this way. I must force myself to blog things or journal them privately. The exercise is good for me though - I can feel it.

It seems that some people can make other people into more of themselves, this is a rare quality indeed. When I am around COB I feel more myself than I was before. And that is good.

Thanks COB.